When I was young, maybe around 8 years of age, I had an overwhelming feeling that there was more to this five sense reality than what was being portrayed. I could feel “it” everywhere I went, whether it be at home in my room or at school, or even when I was partaking in a paper round to earn money for that paranormal magazine I so craved every two weeks.
I think, looking back, that the paranormal subject was, at the time, my first taste of the mystery that surrounded my inquisitiveness. Obviously I didn’t realise it at the time, but that first major interest in “mystery” was going to define the rest of my life, well until the present ripe old age of 32. I did experience different peaks and troughs, so to speak, but I always knew that somehow I was slightly different than the rest of my boyhood peers. I think life does do that to you, ups and downs like some rollercoaster at an amusement park , even the great Bill Hicks metaphorically defined life as a rollercoaster of subjective experience. Like a boomerang, intermittently, I always came back to that same old question….”what’s life all about”?
Leaving this question alone, putting it back to the darkest recesses of my mind while I experienced puberty and finding out what girls were all about, I eventually had an epiphany one day. That day was September 11, 2001, when, as you all know, the greatest terrorist attack in history took place. Now as an 18 year old assistant bar manager, at the time, I watched the events unfold in a kind of “Alice in wonderland naivety” and thought “could this really be possible”?
I watched the events unfold via your usual mainstream output and believed, as wet behind the ears as you tend to be at 18, that the protagonist of these wicked attacks was the now infamous Osama Bin Laden, as most people did on that fateful day. Now, prior to that day the term “conspiracy theorist” was a term id never really accustomed myself to as it was a word, or words which never really pierced the mainstream media to often. However, I was soon to here that word all to often in the subsequent years to come.
Even now, in 2015 them words still don’t resonate with me as I think they are used to loosely and derogatory towards people who seek answers to their questions, valid questions deserve valid answers. But something changed in me that day, just as it did when I was 8 and full of wonder and intrigue.
The journey began, and that journey started with a documentary about the inconsistency’s with the mainstream version of the events that day. Even today, 14 years on, the questions posed in that documentary have never been answered.
The point of this article isn’t about what happened on 9/11 or the paranormal, its about that feeling! The feeling that something isn’t quite right about this five sense world we currently live in. Now that “feeling” was taking off in my mind perpetually forward, questions, questions, questions filled head, day in, day out. I wondered what’s real? what’s not real? Even today I’m still not certain what is real, in terms of the political and social direction we are heading to least.
Today, I have less questions about the political affairs of this world and its motivations, but seem to have gained in my opinion, more answers. Without sounding condescending or aloof, I want to try and explain this statement to you.
I have spent a large part of my life searching for some hidden truth to my mystery’s, the “conspiracy’s” and such. Recently I have had another sort of awakening, you see, I’ve been asking the wrong questions. I’ve been looking for the answers outside of me for many years, when all along, the light I have been seeking, the knowledge I crave, has been staring me in the face the whole time.
That knowledge is the realisation that there is no bad guy, there is no fear ! Fear is an idea, its a choice. We inherently, subconsciously, decide to be afraid. When you realise that the world is how it is because we made it that way, you start to take responsibility for it. Then, and only then, do you realise what that feeling is/was when you were young and untainted by the environment you grew up in. You see, we are all a product of our environment and that environment doesn’t allow for us as human beings to “take responsibility” for the actions we take. What we need to realise, as a species, is that “we” create our own reality. We are the masters of our future, the matrix is merely a conduit to our possible success.
This is my truth, this is my “matrix” and only “I” can dictate its possible outcomes.
What is your truth ? What kind of matrix can you create ?